I woke up today feeling heavy. Not because of any one thing, but because several small things—each carrying weight in my heart—have been circling my mind all at once.
Yesterday, when I picked Hollis up from school, something felt different. Normally, he runs to me full of joy, but this time the classroom door opened, he locked eyes with me, froze… and began to sob. That has never happened before.
His class is in a season of change. His lead teacher is on maternity leave until October. His favorite paraprofessional recently left ahead of their family’s PCS. And yesterday, his RBT was also out, replaced by a substitute. Each of these changes on their own would be challenging—but together, they’ve created an environment that likely feels unpredictable and unsafe for him. Add in a rainy day with altered schedules, limited playtime, and the usual Monday readjustments, and it’s no wonder his little world felt overwhelming for a child who probably didn't know who to trust with his feelings until Mama came.
Walking through this season with him, I feel helpless at times. I know this situation is temporary. I know his teacher will return. I know new relationships will form, people will be replaced and stability will come again. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to watch him hurt. On the hard days, his pain feels heavy on my heart too.
It makes me wonder if this is, in some small way, how God sees us. He knows what’s ahead. He knows we will make it through. He even knows we will be stronger because of it. And yet, in His compassion, I imagine it still grieves Him to see us hurting.
I’m reminded of Romans 5:3–4 (NIV):
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
As I try to model perseverance for my children, I’m praying that the spirit of joy in me would be louder than anxiety or defeat. That I would find creative, gentle ways to help Hollis express and process his feelings. And that we would all be reminded that our hope is found in Christ alone.
Today is just a day—good, bad, or otherwise. It has a time limit. And tomorrow belongs to the Lord.
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