Being BOLD {in love} It's not all about Me.....

Several months ago I was able to help facilitate small groups for a Womens Conference here in GA called Planting Roots. As part of the conference there were some really fun skits, amazing worship, small group time, prayer, and fellowship. Those are the core of any great retreat! But this one skit stood out to me in particular. The lights were dim and then they slowly rose to meet a woman in the middle of the stage wearing GIANT ears! She was walking around the stage chatting with God a million miles a minute,  much like we women do when we talk to our very best friend on the phone for the first time in ages, and we finally get a break from the Paw Patrol Marathon taking place in our living rooms. ;) So, she is gabbing away and then she pauses "God did you get that?" then she continues.... a few minutes later "hello, is anyone listening?" .... on she goes ...talk talk talk. Finally she is quiet waiting for an answer long enough to catch a whisper "I think you've got something in your ear, can I take it out for you?". "What" she replies? "Me? No way, I shower every day and I have impeccable hygiene! But if you see something, yeah get it I guess". So the voice grabs her by the ear and pulls out about 6 different items that were clogging her ears "worry, bitterness, anger, pride, sin, and selfishness." Then the woman's  giant ears fell off, and her head looked a lot more normal :) she was able to finally have that two way conversation with God she had been desiring and she was a lot lighter than she had been a few moments before.

photo borrowed from Grizzly Flats 

So that brings us to the third part of the Being Bold {in love} series; the L- Listen. Do you know research shows that the reason most people get into arguments is because we listen to each other while planning a response, instead of listening to hear. I know that sounds silly, but it is true... we are so busy trying to form quick responses and get our thoughts across that we forget to digest what the other person has said. This problem is only magnified when you add in the lighting speed at which we can text, email, and message now-a-days and that tone and inflection are often lost in written conversations. When did we stop hearing? When did we stop pausing to listen for a response? What do we have lurking in our ears that is keeping us from communicating with God and with each other the way we are called to?

 "And he said to them, “Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you. Mark 4:24" We are all given a measure, a portion, a part of God's bigger plan. We are all handed the guide book, and we are all accountable for how we use what we are given. To be BOLD for Christ the belief is the base for which all the others are built, the offering of yourself up to be used by God is transformation of your heart, but the real action is the ability to clean out our ears & truly listen. We have to be listening to God all the time or we will miss that call when it comes, that sometimes gentle nudge that says "I need you to do this for me". That nudge may look like this, a mom who woke up at 4:30AM today so she would have the time required to blog in obedience to HIM. It may be taking a different route home because there is a lost puppy and a girl praying for that puppy to come home, and you will chance upon it because you went right and not left. It could be the person in the pharmacy who can't afford their 20.00 medicine and God tells you to step in and bless them. Those may seem like little things, but they add up to a life that is pretty BOLD and BEAUTIFUL.  

In the same breathe if we aren't listening to God we probably aren't listening well to each other either. Being a good example for Christ means being a good companion and friend to those we do life with. When a disaster strikes people are quick to box up canned goods or donate old clothes, stuffed animals, and blankets. But do you know that there are warehouses of unused items like that sitting in most major disaster locations? We get this "fuzzy warm" feeling like we did something great by handing off our old jackets and blankets to someone "in need" but did we listen to the need? Did we take the time to hear them? "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me'." Matthew 25:40. It is easy to toss in an extra 5.00 to buy a bouquet for someone at work who lost a loved one. It is harder to bake them a meal, and go sit with them and hug them while they cry. Sometimes what is needed most is for us to box ourselves up, and let God work through us to love on others. When you make that Offer, be prepared to Listen for what comes next, be ready to love! Last bit of scripture because I want to make sure you heard it, and then I am off to get my babies ready for school " Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:22

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Being BOLD {in love} It's not all about Me.....

B to the O-L-D

Today's diving in to how to live BOLD in love we talk about the B- Believe. I don't think there was ever a better example of belief in my life than my Grandmother, Patricia. Referring to yesterday's post, down to her very roots she knew who she was, and she knew what in life made her most happy- serving others. She was a quiet and soft spoken woman who's heart was truly the servant of God. This photo is one of very few I have left of her. She passes away in 1998 from breast cancer. That third photo over her left shoulder is me. She had each of her children's families and grandchildren's portraits on display equally, so no one ever felt favorited. She was compassion, and grace. When she was receiving chemo my mom was very cautious about bringing us around to visit her, because little kids are always carriers of some bug. But, my Grandma lived by faith and she believed God would protect her; she wouldn't get sick unless she was supposed to. So, she never let worry keep her from kissing us all over!

Have you ever met someone like that? Someone who is so obviously a believer and follower of Jesus that when it would be so easy for them to protect themselves they chose to put their well being on the line because they wanted to be there for others? (note; this is NOT an endorsement for abusive or harmful relationships. As a survivor of abuse do not try and love your abuser into wellness. It does not work.) This is those moments when it would be easier to just stay home and do "you", but you instead choose to go deliver a meal to a family who's mother has been under the weather. This is that moment when its raining and there is an older woman carrying her groceries alone, so you step in and help her get to the car dry and you get soaked while loading those groceries for her. This is those moments when what we believe becomes the way we live.

So what do you believe?

If you have found your faith in Jesus Christ, then you know part of our belief is a call to action. A call to live a life that sets us apart from others, just by the deeds we do daily. The key to living boldly, and having a belief that transcends the day to day in order to touch the lives of others is so simple.... it is LOVE. Love is the language that doesn't need words, it is felt and defined by our souls. If you have accepted Christ's love for you- that is step 1. If you have chosen a life that follows His teachings- that is step 2. Step 3 gets a little tricky it is action required because you "believe". I once had a Spanish Professor who told me that when examining our knowledge we should always look at the photograph not the mirror. She would joke that in the mirror she was still a 20-something swimsuit clad "hot stuff".... but in photographs she was a 40-something who ate too much Ben and Jerry's and needed to hit the gym. We can often lie to ourselves when we are self examining, but a photograph is more truthful. If you had paparazzi following you around today snapping photos of each of the mundane tasks that make up your routine, what would they see? Would the see you believing that God is going to get you to work right when you are supposed to get there... even if you get stuck in traffic? Would they see you using your belief to spread joy to someone who is struggling? Would your belief in a mighty God be visible in the steps you take, or the words you choose? How can you deepen you belief in Christ so that when those snap shots are taken you are seen listening, praying, patiently waiting and believing the answer, opportunity, lesson, or blessing is already on it's way? 

Have you had a taste of that Living Water today? Has your bible been cracked? Has your head bowed, even for a short pause? Have you shown love to someone today, whether they deserved it or not? Just like God called "the least of these" to write this blog, He invites us to love the least of these because we have all been"less than" once. Be that flower. Let your roots grow deep and long! Soak up the eternal springs of goodness, and let your faith be so well rooted that when those daily tasks shake us up, our belief is what spills out, not our emotions or tempers. "Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but those who choose not to believe have condemned themselves because they did not believe in the name of God's only son" John 3:18 

As the Lent season begins tomorrow my homework for each of you is to make a mental note to choose to believe God will come through in at least one situation this week you would normally take upon yourself to solve. Last night I had the joy of speaking with a dear friend who just moved to Japan. She told me that one of her worries with raising a 2 year old and twin 9month olds was how to break her 2 year old of a pacifier without breaking her heart, since her time is now juggled between 3 small people with big needs. So she prayed about it, she believed God would take care of it because she didn't have the answer. Then one day her daughter just dropped the pacifier and was done. She laughed and told me that taking time to notice when God has stepped in to answer a prayer like that is half the battle most days because she is just busy. Most of us would not think to even ask God for something so small. I would probably have googled it and read 3 articles on it before I even thought to pray about it. (no judging I am being honest here, remember?). But there is our loving Father, looking down from heaven more than capable of helping with every need, every pacifier, and every situation. The big ones and the small ones all matter to Him.

So there you go! Believe, it is so easy! Know truth, read God's word, and grow. Watch for the next blog post about Offering the O in the B.O.L.D. for Christ series.

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B to the O-L-D

Our Storm part 1

Continuing with the last post and expanding on the "when your hands are too cut up to squeeze those lemons and make lemonade" I'd like to share a story. Nearly 6 years ago a miracle happened for us. We became parents after years of doctors telling me I would have a very hard time conceiving because of my PCOS. From the minute I found out I was pregnant I was sure it was a girl. I had wanted a baby for so long and the thought of bows and ruffle butt bloomers still makes my heart soar! Little girls are so fun! 

So this precious, miracle, baby girl arrives and for the first time in my life I experienced a love so overwhelming it just made me cry,  a lot. I was weeping for the hurts she would one day feel. My fears about being able to protect her and care for her the way she deserved. Like a bubbling brook the emotional shower kept sputtering from my eyeballs. Like any good girl would do,  I phoned a friend. But this friend is also the best mom ninja ever, she's my mommy. I told her how scared I was that I would mess up, fail this sweet innocent baby in some way, and how the need to protect her and keep her safe was just too intense to handle alone. My sweet mother laughed at me a little, and told me to stop, sleep, and pray. I have thought back at this moment several times over the past 5.75 years, I still don't know if it was Satan messing with me in the weakness of my postnatal hormone crash, or just the natural progression of oxytocin being released to cause a chemical meltdown in my brain.... but one thing is for sure my heart grew that day and I realized I could love deeper than I ever imagined and life would never be the same again.

Over the years Reagan has grown to be a very independent, creative and colorful little person. She has always been in a rush to grow up. She had 3 teeth at 3 months, she had a mouth full plus 2 year molars at her first birthday party. She could speak in full sentences shortly after that and tell elaborate stories. She would hide a screw driver under her pillow and disassemble electronic toys, down to the motherboard, and then  line up all the screws and pieces by size, during her nap times at  age 3. When we hid all the screwdrivers, she used a hair clip and took apart a bookshelf, then stacked the pieces back together in perfect balance. At bedtime I went to put a book back and the whole shelf fell apart.... there were no screws! I asked her where they were hidden and she showed me a drawer in her jewelry box filled with screws (again lined up by size) that had come from her Kidkraft kitchen, the bookshelf, and her bed! Inventive just doesn't even cover it.... and she was more than willing to show us how crafty she was with that hairclip. Over the years we moved a lot, like 4 times in 5 years. Not just homes, states. We also added her two younger brothers Dawson and Judah to our family circus and Reagan stayed a steady, loving, and nurturing big sister through it all, until our most recent move. I mentioned our "storm" in my first blog and to be more specific, the scariest part of that storm for me was the day our strong, steady girl was found gasping for air on her bedroom floor amidst a panic attack. She was sweating and grabbing at her throat, she kept shouting that the room had no air and she couldn't breathe. I picked her up in my arms and held her close and told her to listen to my breathing. I exaggerated my deep breaths to help her find a calm cadence. When she finally calmed down enough to tell me what had happened she was "upset" that when I was decorating her new room I put her paintings in a different location on her walls than where they had been before. I thought this was some sort of fluke, that she was just having a hard time adjusting. We gave her some space, filled our time with fun things to do and explore in Georgia, and continued plugging in to church in hopes that she would learn to love her new home. But, the panic attacks didn't stop. The meltdowns were debilitating and my super intelligent, smiley girl was buried beneath this sad, anxious shell. As a mama my heart was totally broken. It became obvious that we were not able to push through the sad wall at home and we needed some professional help.

The day Reagan and I went in to the pediatrician's office they asked her a lot of questions. I tried not to insert myself as much as possible and I just stood in the corner listening. Reagan couldn't sit still she was so anxious. She hopped back and forth across the colored tiles on the floor, only stepping on the green and purple ones. After a few minutes of watching her the doctor asked "why won't you step on the red, gray, or blue ones?" Reagan said "Because that would be wrong and I would die" like it was nothing. "Oh, interesting" said the doctor. She asked Reagan a few more questions and then she looked at me and said "Mom, Reagan, in my opinion, has OCD with anxiety. I want a full psych evaluation done on her and I am sending you all to a therapist".  Now, OCD on it's own is not something that scares me. My mother and my sister both have OCD, it is genetic like many other mental health issues and I honestly don't mind if we have to kiss three times, hug three times, give 3 high fives and bless each other's forehead with a cross every day before she gets out of the car. I don't mind that she has to sleep with the same pillowcase and blanket at night and she has had the same baby doll since she was one. OCD is something you can live with as long as those around you are patient, compassionate, and willing to bend a bit. But, the anxiety that has come with it is stealing my baby's joy and that I have a huge issue with. We are currently in the very messy process of getting her school to write up a formal IEP for how to work with Reagan in the classroom. I think it is silly that it even has come to this, but when you have a very rigid teacher and a child who needs a little extra understanding sometimes, and IEP provides accountability. Reagan is also in therapy once a week with a therapist who specializes in helping anxious kids. They do yoga together, draw, play with sand, and talk lots. If your child is struggling I can not emphasize enough how important it is to speak out and get help! It has been eight weeks since we started therapy and Reagan is doing so much better. We still have a long way to go, but she is learning tools now to help her manage her emotions that will carry over to much bigger emotional struggles in her teen and adult years. I also think it is extremely important that my child have a safe adult she can confide in who is not me or her dad. There is no threat of disappointing us or letting us down. She doesn't feel judged or like she is being graded when she talks to her therapist, she feels safe. That is exactly what she needs right now and if I need to be brought in on the loop her therapist and I email throughout the week. Thank you sweet Jesus for modern medicine, health insurance, and loving medical professionals who recognized my daughters need and acted. We did have a full psychological evaluation done which confirmed everything the pediatrician suspected and put Reagan in the anxiety range for medication. However, at this time we have chosen to battle her anxiety with therapy, yoga, and prayer. We will continue to re-evaluate as the days roll by, but we have been panic attack free for five weeks! God is good.

Now I am going to stop sharing about my daughter and speak to your hearts for a moment. Our lives are so messy. Part of me did not even want to share this story because that part of me that wants to protect my baby girl is still so incredibly strong! But, if there is even one little one out there struggling in a similar way I want to give that mama hope, and I want to assure you that there I a light at the end of the tunnel and it is OK if the problem is bigger than what you can handle at home! It shook my soul to watch my strong confidant daughter crumble the way that she did. It took me back to that night in the bathroom crying on the phone with my mother, telling her I never wanted my baby to hurt and I didn't know how to protect her from life. 24 year old me didn't know that the reason it felt so impossible is because it is! I can not keep her from hurt because we live in a broken, imperfect world."  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. It is in our brokenness that God's light comes through the cracks and sustains us. God is working in Reagan and she is going to be fine, but it is not because of what I have done, it is because I was wise enough as her Mama to know we needed help from outside and ABOVE!  If you are feeling like you, or someone you love needs a little help from outside or above -reach out. If you have struggled with OCD or Anxiety share what worked for you below. I would love to hear some of your helpful hints. I think the hardest part about being a Mom sometimes is realizing you can't do it all on your own. You want to be super mom, you want the applause and the standing ovation for rocking the pinterest cupcakes, making sure everyone has their personalized lunches in their cute little backpacks. You stuff in the hand written notes, or cut the crusts off their favorite sandwich because you are a mom and we love all those little details that make our kids feel loved. I hope if nothing else, that after reading this blog you understand that if a time comes when you all do need to seek out mental health professionals it makes you SUPER mom for noticing and acting on your gut.

Building my strategy for praying for my children began with praying over my bible for a few days and choosing a scripture passage for each of my children. I chose one that fits where I see their strengths and struggles now and in the future. I printed off the scriptures for each child and hung them on their bedroom doors. Every night when I put them to bed, and every morning when I wake them I pray their verses over them. Reagan's is Philippians 4:6&7 " Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." The first verse is very well known in most Christian circles and I want her to remember that when she is anxious that is when she should pray the most. But it is actually the second verse that I think has the most power. I claim that in Jesus name, Reagan will receive that peace from God that transcends understanding, anxiety, OCD, moving every 12-18 months, rigid teachers, mean kids.... EVERYTHING. Imagine if that verse stays posted on her door until we move again, that is another 600 times those words will be spoken into her life. It is deeper than just a prayer, it is modeling a life that seeks Christ. This is the battle her dad and I will be fighting for her until she is old enough to fight it herself. we are grateful that modern medicine gives us so many options, yet we know God put this very struggle in Reagans life for a reason and it keeps all 3 of us dependent on HIM to give us that deep peace that only the Holy Spirit can give.

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Our Storm part 1