Being BOLD {in love} It's not all about Me.....

Several months ago I was able to help facilitate small groups for a Womens Conference here in GA called Planting Roots. As part of the conference there were some really fun skits, amazing worship, small group time, prayer, and fellowship. Those are the core of any great retreat! But this one skit stood out to me in particular. The lights were dim and then they slowly rose to meet a woman in the middle of the stage wearing GIANT ears! She was walking around the stage chatting with God a million miles a minute,  much like we women do when we talk to our very best friend on the phone for the first time in ages, and we finally get a break from the Paw Patrol Marathon taking place in our living rooms. ;) So, she is gabbing away and then she pauses "God did you get that?" then she continues.... a few minutes later "hello, is anyone listening?" .... on she goes ...talk talk talk. Finally she is quiet waiting for an answer long enough to catch a whisper "I think you've got something in your ear, can I take it out for you?". "What" she replies? "Me? No way, I shower every day and I have impeccable hygiene! But if you see something, yeah get it I guess". So the voice grabs her by the ear and pulls out about 6 different items that were clogging her ears "worry, bitterness, anger, pride, sin, and selfishness." Then the woman's  giant ears fell off, and her head looked a lot more normal :) she was able to finally have that two way conversation with God she had been desiring and she was a lot lighter than she had been a few moments before.

photo borrowed from Grizzly Flats 

So that brings us to the third part of the Being Bold {in love} series; the L- Listen. Do you know research shows that the reason most people get into arguments is because we listen to each other while planning a response, instead of listening to hear. I know that sounds silly, but it is true... we are so busy trying to form quick responses and get our thoughts across that we forget to digest what the other person has said. This problem is only magnified when you add in the lighting speed at which we can text, email, and message now-a-days and that tone and inflection are often lost in written conversations. When did we stop hearing? When did we stop pausing to listen for a response? What do we have lurking in our ears that is keeping us from communicating with God and with each other the way we are called to?

 "And he said to them, “Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you. Mark 4:24" We are all given a measure, a portion, a part of God's bigger plan. We are all handed the guide book, and we are all accountable for how we use what we are given. To be BOLD for Christ the belief is the base for which all the others are built, the offering of yourself up to be used by God is transformation of your heart, but the real action is the ability to clean out our ears & truly listen. We have to be listening to God all the time or we will miss that call when it comes, that sometimes gentle nudge that says "I need you to do this for me". That nudge may look like this, a mom who woke up at 4:30AM today so she would have the time required to blog in obedience to HIM. It may be taking a different route home because there is a lost puppy and a girl praying for that puppy to come home, and you will chance upon it because you went right and not left. It could be the person in the pharmacy who can't afford their 20.00 medicine and God tells you to step in and bless them. Those may seem like little things, but they add up to a life that is pretty BOLD and BEAUTIFUL.  

In the same breathe if we aren't listening to God we probably aren't listening well to each other either. Being a good example for Christ means being a good companion and friend to those we do life with. When a disaster strikes people are quick to box up canned goods or donate old clothes, stuffed animals, and blankets. But do you know that there are warehouses of unused items like that sitting in most major disaster locations? We get this "fuzzy warm" feeling like we did something great by handing off our old jackets and blankets to someone "in need" but did we listen to the need? Did we take the time to hear them? "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me'." Matthew 25:40. It is easy to toss in an extra 5.00 to buy a bouquet for someone at work who lost a loved one. It is harder to bake them a meal, and go sit with them and hug them while they cry. Sometimes what is needed most is for us to box ourselves up, and let God work through us to love on others. When you make that Offer, be prepared to Listen for what comes next, be ready to love! Last bit of scripture because I want to make sure you heard it, and then I am off to get my babies ready for school " Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:22

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Being BOLD {in love} It's not all about Me.....

The Heart of Gratitude

So, I was brainstorming last night about the ways in which I want to thematically link all my devotional posts while still giving the Holy Spirit room to talk. I do not what this blog series to be as sporadic as my 3 year olds mood swings, but I also know that any Christian writer worth their title gives all works and credit to the Divine Author. I prayed a bit and I did a little research. Then, I found this great article on The 3 Levels of Gratitude where they explain gratitude as this-

Thanksgiving Gratitude – This is when someone thinks about being grateful when they are reminded to do so, such as at Thanksgiving. Generally, individuals that are at this level only think about the gratitude for the very basic of things such as family, friends, job/business, car/home, pets and their chosen higher power. Beyond this basic list, they struggle to think of additional things for which to be grateful

Positive Gratitude – At this level, an individual is likely to feel and express gratitude on a regular, consistent basis -maybe even daily. They are able to see gratitude in a larger range of things such as a sunny day, a new opportunity, a hug or smile.  The Positive Gratituders are more observant and recognize all the good things that they have in their lives.

Positive Gratituders don’t need to be reminded to be grateful but generally do so consciously.

Higher Gratitude – Once a person reaches this level, they are able to be grateful for EVERYTHING in their lives. This level requires a person to be able to appreciate both the good and the perceived bad in any and every situation. A person at Higher Gratitude can be grateful for job loss, divorce, even loss of a loved one. Being able to connect with and see the aspects of any situation that one could be grateful for is what leads one to achieve Higher Gratitude.

This level of gratitude finds one feeling and expressing their gratitude from an almost subconscious place.  It is a natural and normal part of who they are.

So with that little bite to chew on, lets spend a few days diving in to practical ways to move from "Thanksgiving Gratitude" to "Positive Gratitude". If you are anything like me, it is really easy to commit to things at first. I love to volunteer and lend a hand when it is needed. But as time goes on, and life stuff happens I get bogged down by the things I have committed to. Sound familiar? Sometimes it is really hard to muster that daily "I am thankful day 12 of 27......" post for Facebook. Sometimes you want to drink the wine instead of cooking with it, shhh there is no judgment here. So, let's see what the bible says about gratitude;

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

Now lets break down those three levels really quickly. Level One- I like to think of as the Facebook level. Where our gratefulness is more surface level because we know we should be thankful. #soblessed, #youaremorethanastereotype #GodcravesmoreofyouthanwhatyoushowyourFBfriends Ok, forgive the hashtag pun, but there is a lot of truth in that last bit. What we show people on FB, Instagram, or via snapchat filter is exactly that, a FILTERED version of our real, messy, not very "pretty" lives. #2 Positive Gratitude is the heart switch between, I am grateful because I know I am blessed and "I am grateful because I realize every good and perfect thing in my life is a gift from above." The act of not just appreciating what we have been given, but stopping to praise the one who gave it to us.

Now, there are very few people I have ever known in my life who reach a level of gratitude like #3. Higher Gratitude is what I think of when I think of Paul and his praise to God despite his deplorable circumstances. Job is another bible hero of faith who comes to mind. My reality is that I am at a place in my life now where I can look at the bad and appreciate the lessons I learned and the path those ugly parts of life put me on, because they built me the foundation for the life I have now. I am grateful for the times I was pushed to my limits and I came out smiling, because my faith grew by miles in those dark times.

But, I also think we kind of live somewhere in this middle ground that is not mentioned in the article and I would like to call that land "Perspective Gratitude" that is the gratitude that comes with the wisdom of mistakes and hard lessons. Where we learn to truly appreciate the awesome fully encompassing love of Jesus because we know what it is like to be unlovable. There really is much wisdom that comes with age. So, what would life look like if "In Word, In Deed, Whatever you do, (you did) everything in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to Him"?? Would it be a little easier to forgive that hurt you are holding on to? Would it be a little easier to appreciate the beautiful blessings of your life, even if they left sticky fingerprints all over your clean house today? Would it be simpler to make choices because you know you need to choose the option that Glorifies God, over what seems tempting or "easy"? How do you think you model gratitude for you children? Do they hear you give thanks in the tough times or do they hear angry frustrated sighs because we lost our perspective? Food for thought as we dig our toes into gratitude and how our heart's focus affects the way our eyes view the world around us.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

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The Heart of Gratitude

Become what you Believe

November is HERE and just like that 2016 is making her grand exit and the holidays are about to barf on every isle of every store. But I like to keep it real, and really Thanksgiving is a season of thankfulness as we prepare our hearts for the magic of Advent. Over the next few weeks I'd like to help you busy mama's connect each day with a few of God's words that will encourage you, as my way of saying I'm THANKFUL for you. I am thankful that you are part of my tribe. I'm thankful that you are working hard, loving your kids, & still seeking God in the midst of the crazy. I promise to keep it short and sweet, just like a good Cuban coffee.

Today I would like to focus on Matthew 9:27-30 (full text at end of post if your bible isn't handy)

Becoming what you believe. This passage tells us the story of two blind men who follow Jesus home in hopes of pleading their case for healing. Jesus turns to them and asks "do you truly believe I can do these things? "They emphatically reply "yes Lord". Then Jesus laid his hands on their eyes and said "According to your faith let it be done to you." The Message translation says " You have become what you believed".

I am going to take a modern mommy play on this and say how many times a day do you "fake it till you make it" ? I usually don't have it all together. There is at least one stain on my shirt before I even leave the house for the day and most days I do not even try and hide it, albeit coffee, spit up, or rogue oatmeal. I am probably pretty tired from a night of nursing and from staying up later than I should have because I crave those quiet moments of non cartoon television and a hot cup of tea when all three babes are sleeping! Anyways, it's in those moments of morning rush that I sometimes lose the "us" in the middle. I have to step back and choose to set a tone for the day even if I have to fake it to make it! I turn on the smile, I switch up my tone with the kids and become that cheerleader who still lives inside me. I remind my kiddos that their emotions are a choice too, and each day we can choose to make it a great day or we can choose a sour day based on which emotion we let take the stage. This isn't just applicable for morning rush, this is modeling a lesson they will carry with them for life. It is the core of "becoming what you believe" and it is a elementary school child's practical introduction to Big Faith. That BIG Faith that will someday move "mountains" in their lives, heal their "blindness", and give them the strength to walk when they are "lame". So how can we better show our children examples of becoming what we believe? I challenge you this week to find one moment where you can flip that switch and rejoice in the chaos. Believe that you are creating a lasting legacy with your kids through your example of BIG Faith in little ways.

²⁷ As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, “Have mercy on us, Son of David!”
²⁸ When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?”
“Yes, Lord,” they replied.
²⁹ Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you”; ³⁰ and their sight was restored.

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Become what you Believe

Our Storm part 1

Continuing with the last post and expanding on the "when your hands are too cut up to squeeze those lemons and make lemonade" I'd like to share a story. Nearly 6 years ago a miracle happened for us. We became parents after years of doctors telling me I would have a very hard time conceiving because of my PCOS. From the minute I found out I was pregnant I was sure it was a girl. I had wanted a baby for so long and the thought of bows and ruffle butt bloomers still makes my heart soar! Little girls are so fun! 

So this precious, miracle, baby girl arrives and for the first time in my life I experienced a love so overwhelming it just made me cry,  a lot. I was weeping for the hurts she would one day feel. My fears about being able to protect her and care for her the way she deserved. Like a bubbling brook the emotional shower kept sputtering from my eyeballs. Like any good girl would do,  I phoned a friend. But this friend is also the best mom ninja ever, she's my mommy. I told her how scared I was that I would mess up, fail this sweet innocent baby in some way, and how the need to protect her and keep her safe was just too intense to handle alone. My sweet mother laughed at me a little, and told me to stop, sleep, and pray. I have thought back at this moment several times over the past 5.75 years, I still don't know if it was Satan messing with me in the weakness of my postnatal hormone crash, or just the natural progression of oxytocin being released to cause a chemical meltdown in my brain.... but one thing is for sure my heart grew that day and I realized I could love deeper than I ever imagined and life would never be the same again.

Over the years Reagan has grown to be a very independent, creative and colorful little person. She has always been in a rush to grow up. She had 3 teeth at 3 months, she had a mouth full plus 2 year molars at her first birthday party. She could speak in full sentences shortly after that and tell elaborate stories. She would hide a screw driver under her pillow and disassemble electronic toys, down to the motherboard, and then  line up all the screws and pieces by size, during her nap times at  age 3. When we hid all the screwdrivers, she used a hair clip and took apart a bookshelf, then stacked the pieces back together in perfect balance. At bedtime I went to put a book back and the whole shelf fell apart.... there were no screws! I asked her where they were hidden and she showed me a drawer in her jewelry box filled with screws (again lined up by size) that had come from her Kidkraft kitchen, the bookshelf, and her bed! Inventive just doesn't even cover it.... and she was more than willing to show us how crafty she was with that hairclip. Over the years we moved a lot, like 4 times in 5 years. Not just homes, states. We also added her two younger brothers Dawson and Judah to our family circus and Reagan stayed a steady, loving, and nurturing big sister through it all, until our most recent move. I mentioned our "storm" in my first blog and to be more specific, the scariest part of that storm for me was the day our strong, steady girl was found gasping for air on her bedroom floor amidst a panic attack. She was sweating and grabbing at her throat, she kept shouting that the room had no air and she couldn't breathe. I picked her up in my arms and held her close and told her to listen to my breathing. I exaggerated my deep breaths to help her find a calm cadence. When she finally calmed down enough to tell me what had happened she was "upset" that when I was decorating her new room I put her paintings in a different location on her walls than where they had been before. I thought this was some sort of fluke, that she was just having a hard time adjusting. We gave her some space, filled our time with fun things to do and explore in Georgia, and continued plugging in to church in hopes that she would learn to love her new home. But, the panic attacks didn't stop. The meltdowns were debilitating and my super intelligent, smiley girl was buried beneath this sad, anxious shell. As a mama my heart was totally broken. It became obvious that we were not able to push through the sad wall at home and we needed some professional help.

The day Reagan and I went in to the pediatrician's office they asked her a lot of questions. I tried not to insert myself as much as possible and I just stood in the corner listening. Reagan couldn't sit still she was so anxious. She hopped back and forth across the colored tiles on the floor, only stepping on the green and purple ones. After a few minutes of watching her the doctor asked "why won't you step on the red, gray, or blue ones?" Reagan said "Because that would be wrong and I would die" like it was nothing. "Oh, interesting" said the doctor. She asked Reagan a few more questions and then she looked at me and said "Mom, Reagan, in my opinion, has OCD with anxiety. I want a full psych evaluation done on her and I am sending you all to a therapist".  Now, OCD on it's own is not something that scares me. My mother and my sister both have OCD, it is genetic like many other mental health issues and I honestly don't mind if we have to kiss three times, hug three times, give 3 high fives and bless each other's forehead with a cross every day before she gets out of the car. I don't mind that she has to sleep with the same pillowcase and blanket at night and she has had the same baby doll since she was one. OCD is something you can live with as long as those around you are patient, compassionate, and willing to bend a bit. But, the anxiety that has come with it is stealing my baby's joy and that I have a huge issue with. We are currently in the very messy process of getting her school to write up a formal IEP for how to work with Reagan in the classroom. I think it is silly that it even has come to this, but when you have a very rigid teacher and a child who needs a little extra understanding sometimes, and IEP provides accountability. Reagan is also in therapy once a week with a therapist who specializes in helping anxious kids. They do yoga together, draw, play with sand, and talk lots. If your child is struggling I can not emphasize enough how important it is to speak out and get help! It has been eight weeks since we started therapy and Reagan is doing so much better. We still have a long way to go, but she is learning tools now to help her manage her emotions that will carry over to much bigger emotional struggles in her teen and adult years. I also think it is extremely important that my child have a safe adult she can confide in who is not me or her dad. There is no threat of disappointing us or letting us down. She doesn't feel judged or like she is being graded when she talks to her therapist, she feels safe. That is exactly what she needs right now and if I need to be brought in on the loop her therapist and I email throughout the week. Thank you sweet Jesus for modern medicine, health insurance, and loving medical professionals who recognized my daughters need and acted. We did have a full psychological evaluation done which confirmed everything the pediatrician suspected and put Reagan in the anxiety range for medication. However, at this time we have chosen to battle her anxiety with therapy, yoga, and prayer. We will continue to re-evaluate as the days roll by, but we have been panic attack free for five weeks! God is good.

Now I am going to stop sharing about my daughter and speak to your hearts for a moment. Our lives are so messy. Part of me did not even want to share this story because that part of me that wants to protect my baby girl is still so incredibly strong! But, if there is even one little one out there struggling in a similar way I want to give that mama hope, and I want to assure you that there I a light at the end of the tunnel and it is OK if the problem is bigger than what you can handle at home! It shook my soul to watch my strong confidant daughter crumble the way that she did. It took me back to that night in the bathroom crying on the phone with my mother, telling her I never wanted my baby to hurt and I didn't know how to protect her from life. 24 year old me didn't know that the reason it felt so impossible is because it is! I can not keep her from hurt because we live in a broken, imperfect world."  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. It is in our brokenness that God's light comes through the cracks and sustains us. God is working in Reagan and she is going to be fine, but it is not because of what I have done, it is because I was wise enough as her Mama to know we needed help from outside and ABOVE!  If you are feeling like you, or someone you love needs a little help from outside or above -reach out. If you have struggled with OCD or Anxiety share what worked for you below. I would love to hear some of your helpful hints. I think the hardest part about being a Mom sometimes is realizing you can't do it all on your own. You want to be super mom, you want the applause and the standing ovation for rocking the pinterest cupcakes, making sure everyone has their personalized lunches in their cute little backpacks. You stuff in the hand written notes, or cut the crusts off their favorite sandwich because you are a mom and we love all those little details that make our kids feel loved. I hope if nothing else, that after reading this blog you understand that if a time comes when you all do need to seek out mental health professionals it makes you SUPER mom for noticing and acting on your gut.

Building my strategy for praying for my children began with praying over my bible for a few days and choosing a scripture passage for each of my children. I chose one that fits where I see their strengths and struggles now and in the future. I printed off the scriptures for each child and hung them on their bedroom doors. Every night when I put them to bed, and every morning when I wake them I pray their verses over them. Reagan's is Philippians 4:6&7 " Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." The first verse is very well known in most Christian circles and I want her to remember that when she is anxious that is when she should pray the most. But it is actually the second verse that I think has the most power. I claim that in Jesus name, Reagan will receive that peace from God that transcends understanding, anxiety, OCD, moving every 12-18 months, rigid teachers, mean kids.... EVERYTHING. Imagine if that verse stays posted on her door until we move again, that is another 600 times those words will be spoken into her life. It is deeper than just a prayer, it is modeling a life that seeks Christ. This is the battle her dad and I will be fighting for her until she is old enough to fight it herself. we are grateful that modern medicine gives us so many options, yet we know God put this very struggle in Reagans life for a reason and it keeps all 3 of us dependent on HIM to give us that deep peace that only the Holy Spirit can give.

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Our Storm part 1